Your Guide to Independance

You’re Guide to

Independence!

Written By:

Christopher Clark

Edition: 1.5.2 on 04/28/24

Introduction

          How are you doing today? I hope you are doing well. This Manual is a how to go on about moving on your own. It is leaning towards a conservative style and is for those seeking to make the easiest possible transition.

          This manual includes information starting before you actually move out of your parent(s)/guardians home. I am basing this on things I have learned and observed personally through moving out myself and others I have seen move from home. It is also made to create a positive environment and is pointedly towards moving on your own without a roommate. With that said we will still discuss roommate situations later on.

          In your mind you have likely already made the decision to move out. Probably with a general time frame in mind, while those that don’t may need to come up with one. The time frame is important. However, realize that it can change very easily.

          As you go through the steps be very careful. Rash or unthoughtful decisions can and will be disastrous to your independence goals. It is important to spend time thinking about what you want to do at each individual stage. If you have questions, ask!

          Now let’s move onto the next page and get started…………

Step 1: The Decision

          For those of you who have already made the decision to move out, this section is still very important. There are things that have to be taken into consideration before you move on.

          How do you make the decision to move out on your own? Well, here are a few do not dos with this.

1.     Do not make the decision out of anger or emotion duress.

2.     Do not make the decision because someone is pushing you to.

3.     Do not make the decision if you are unable to mentally handle living on your own.

Ok, now that those are said lets go over them. The first Do Not is to make the decision out of anger or emotional duress. What do I mean? Well, first of all I mean that if you are fighting with your parents and out of blatant anger you decide to say, “Shove this, I’m Moving.” That does not work. Decisions made out of anger are not truly thought through decisions and have a skewed view on the truth. While in the moment you truly do wish to move out, after some thought you may still not yet be ready. 

Emotional duress, what is it? Well generally it is when you are stressed out or are having a bad day. I’m using it in reference to anything other than anger that may cause you to make an unqualified decision. In these times you know yourself best as far as what kinds of decisions you are capable of making without making your world tumble down on top of you.

Is someone pushing your to make a hasty decision to move on your own? Or is someone telling you that you don’t have a choice? Sometimes friends can do this without realizing the consequences or even knowing the circumstances. My recommendation is to ask them to back off nicely and thank them for caring, while setting the boundary that yes they do matter to you. However, you need to make this decision on your own terms and with everyone involved in mind.

Now you may ask mentally capable? Am I nuts? No, that is not what I am saying. I am saying this in reference to the many, many metal disorders currently affecting our society today. If you are considered to have severe cases of depression, are mentally handicapped with either Downs Syndrome, severe ADD/ADHD, or have serious emotional instability all of the time. I recommend finding someone you truly trust and whom is very objective in life rather than driven by personal or other motives, and who truly wants to help you make the right choices in life. This person should then be able to guide you through a decision process tailored to your needs. Please do not ask me to do this unless you live close to me and I understand your living situation or I have already offered because I believe that I can help you in this.

Now lets move on to the Dos of making this decision. Below they should be listed in their entirety.

1.     Talk to someone.

2.     Spend time on the decision.

3.     Talk to your parents.

4.     Ask questions.

5.     Be prepared.

Let us describe each part from the list above now. It is important to fully understand these concepts. The first part: Talking to someone is very, very important. It can and hopefully will allow you to see what life on your own can be like along with some of the trips and spills you may have along the way. This person whom you talk should not generally be your parents as the goal here is to seek one or more outside perspectives to better gain understanding. I recommend this person being someone who has lived on their own for a few years and is capable of explaining life circumstances.

Spend some quality time on it and don’t be rash. Make sure you know what you want for sure before you go saying something that will potentially make the walls crash in on you. Make sure it is a decision that you can stick to and stand by. Becoming Independent is not an easy task nor should it be. It is something that will prepare you for your future in a good way if it is handled right. Yes, sticky situations will arise, people will not agree, and you will likely be criticized here and there. My recommendation is to stick with those that love you and want the best of the best for you.

After you have completed the first two steps it is crucial to discuss your decision with your parent(s). However, timing can be a real important factor. I would wait until about three months before you have made the decision to move before you approach them about it. Normally you will get less of a resistance to the idea if you have a well thought out plan and it is already in motion. But realize also that your parents are an important factor in your independence. If they say something like “I’m not sure you are ready to move out yet” or “Are you sure this is what you want?” allow them to voice their opinions. Hear their concerns. Most parents love their children more than their children realize and it’s important to take that love into heavy consideration. Most parents are fighting the battle of life for you. So after your have figured out your game plan weigh what they said and add it to it. If they say “can we wait six months, instead of three months?” weigh that in and ask them why? They may say “we want you to have more money saved before you go” or they may say “we want to spend some more time with you”. That is reasonable. If they say something antagonistic like “you are just a dumb stupid kid, and you don’t know what you are doing.” Then stick to your guns. However, be prepared for the after affects or possible consequences of this.

Moving on to the next topic. Ask questions and lots of them. I cannot stress how important it is to make this a quality decision. Ask people you know and trust what you can do to be prepared. We don’t know everything and don’t always know what we talking about. It is very important to get multiple views for several reasons:

1.     It gives you a broader perspective on how things may play out.

2.     Not everyone knows you the same way as others do.

3.     Everyone has a different experience with moving out.

Questions are important to everyone in learning and becoming a person or the person they want to be. This is how we as humans develop. Communication is the dreaded word of the century, but is very necessary none the less.

Being prepared is not always hard nor is it always easy. It is important to take life by the horns though. Take something whether easy or hard and deal with it. Prepare yourself for many different possible outcomes to the situations. Make sure you have a plan as to how you want to approach people on the subject. It is good to have pre-created questions. However, it is not recommended to make a specific discussion path, conversations potentially can branch out and address new and different areas. Taking notes when talking with someone is a very positive approach.

The Process

          We have already touched on what the process is but let’s make sure we have it down. The process is not going to be the same with everyone, nor will all of the topics be the same. Here is the process in general form.

1.     The job.

2.     Get a savings account.

3.     Start saving money.

4.     Start thinking about a moving date

5.     Communicate

6.     Be aware

7.     Talk to the parents

8.     Oh the Places you will go.

The job!?! I have to go get a job? What do I do? How do I get one? Wow, Lots of questions to be answered here! For those questions there will be another topic. As far as this goes, well you need to go get a job in order to have definitive success with moving out of your current living situation. Start looking for one now! Don’t be afraid to go somewhere that you never thought you would like to work, they can be the most fun.

Get a savings account as soon as you are able. Most banks allow someone at the age of 13 to start one with an adult as co-signer. Do not be embarrassed to put in just a dollar or less as a weekly deposit (Most banks do require an intital deposit of around $25.00). A dollar in the bank means a potential increase of interest every month. That is a lot better than that old shoebox under the bed. I will go into further details on the saving accounts later. Let us now move to the next topic.

Start saving money after you get your job. Make sure it’s a sizable, but manageable sum. For example set aside 50% of each check. If you do not have a job……. Do you get money for lunch at school? Do you get a weekly allowance? Do your parents take you shopping? Find a way to start setting something aside even if it is only a dollar a week. Clean the house every week and pick up the change that you find. Money is money. Do not go panhandling or begging people for money (It can be very dangerous). This is money you need to earn yourself.

Start thinking about when you want to move. I recommend that you wait until you are finished with high school and/or are age 18, whichever, of the two options comes later. Ah man! Why do I have to wait so long? Well for one it is wiser in the aspect of where your parents are concerned to have your high school diploma. This gives them more security about your future. It is also a major landmark in the game of life. You get your diploma, you have more job opportunities. However, I strongly recommend that you do not, whatever you do, move out before you are 18. This can cause major issues and create an environment and habits that you may not be able to leave behind in the future.

Communication: what a controversial topic in today’s world. If you learn to communicate who you are, your goals, and what you want out of life today that’s one less hassle you will need to deal with later in life. Our goal here is not to create an emotion upheaval. It is to create an environment to where you can become independent in an easier fashion. I cannot stress enough how much you need to talk to people you trust about it, including your parents when the time comes. For some the parents may be all you have and some of the steps might change. This is entirely ok, as long as it does not become an emotional battle or emotional/physical abuse.

Be aware of what’s going on around. Be aware of how this decision is going to affect everyone else. Be aware of reasoning’s behind you decision and the decisions everyone else makes based on yours. Be aware of the changes that need to be made in your life to support this decision. Once the decision is made, in some circumstance it cannot be taken back. Make this decision with the intent of never having to move back in with your parents.

Now we get back to talking to your parents. When you talk to them make sure you share how you feel, your concerns, your goals, your fears, and the things you are feeling not so sure about. Be absolutely honest and upfront with them. Make sure that they understand where you are with the decision. Most parents I have run into will try to make the best of a sticky situation. But realize that some will not.  If you are clear and concise on your end then there will be less room for error.

After everything is in the green above, Get life rolling. It doesn’t start till you start living. This is meaning that once you have the ball in motion do not stop it yourself. After everything is said and done follow through on the decision. Do not become your own hindrance for being able to leave home. Learn your capabilities and stay out of trouble.

Money in Detail

          Money, another not so agreed upon subject. Let me start by telling you that your money is your money. I’m just trying to help you make things easier by giving you ideas and options. To honestly be solid when you move out of your home, you should save up around $5,000 if you already have a car that you get to keep. If not, I recommend around $10,000.

          WOW! Those numbers are incredibly high. Honestly, they are not. Most places to rent go for about $1,250.00 - $2,500.00 a month in a lot of the bigger cities. That is on the low end. And in order to move into a place generally you will need to have first months rent, a deposit, and last months rent. Here is the math:

First Months Rent	$1,500.00
Deposit	$1,500.00
Last months Rent	$1,500.00
Pet deposit	$0.0
Total	$4,500.00

          Now, in consideration of what has been said, if you have a pet you will need to add about half of the monthly rent for the pet deposit if applicable for the landlords needs. That would make your total about $5,250. That’s a lot of money eh? Then, if you do not have a car, its going to cost you at least $5,000 to get something that will last you a decent time.

          So, after that it isn’t looking like a lot of money is it? In order to accomplish your goals of independency it is important to look at all aspects of the situation. After you have saved up for moving out on your own with your preset amount; using the formula above, we need to look at the monthly bills. Included in those bills will be a phone, electricity, water, gas, car, car insurance, and food. All of these things are going to cost you money and sometimes you will have to do a juggling act. Ideally when you move on your own you should have a job that has an income of $4,000 a month.

Here’s the breakdown:

Rent (fixed)	$1,500.00
Power	$200.00
Gas (natural)	$200.00
Water (most rentals do not require you to pay this)	$100.00
Car (Repairs, Gasoline, Maintenance)	$300.00
Car Insurance (Varies by state)	$300.00
Food	$800.00
Total:	$3,400.00

          Notice how quickly the bills add up. If you are making $4,000.00 a month then that leaves $600.00. Which; you should save about half of in case of an emergency. Now lets move on to the basic plan for today now that you have an idea of the goal. Sometimes the goal is going to have to be higher or lower based upon your area. It is very important to DO THE RESEARCH FIRST. If you choose not to do the research you may find yourself very short on cash and way off of your marked goal. You need to know how much money you need.

          Ok, so we have decided for now that it will take you $5,000.00 in order to become independent and able to support yourself when you move out. If your move out goal is 24 months away then you will need to take the $5,000.00 and divide it by 24.

5000 / 24 = 108.33

          So with that formula you will need to save $110.00 per month in order to reach your move out cash value goal. This formula does not include accrued interest. It also should not include accrued interest because the interest rate changes every month. Meaning that it is a variable we cannot count on. However, if you leave all the interest you earn in the bank you will have a head start on a decent savings account. Below I have listed a few different types of banking institutions:

·        Credit Union

·        Bank

Credit unions generally pay a greater amount of interest to its members, however in some cases you are required to have a minimum beginning balance and a minimum standard balance. Meaning, that in order to start the account you will be required to deposit say $200.00, and in order to keep the account active it may be required that you keep no less then $25.00 at any given time in the account. The greatest up side to a credit union account is that you will never be able to overdraw the account.

Banking institutions have several options for you. The first option we will look at is the savings account. They run their savings accounts much the same way as a credit union. Although these savings accounts will bear less of an interest rate verses the credit union saving account. The second option for a bank is a checking account. This type of account will allow you to generally have a minimum balance of $0.00 for a period of no less than a month if need be. However, the drawback to a checking account is that it will not bear any interest except in a few rare occasions. (Some banking institutions allow for a very minor interest to be added if the balance exceeds $1,000.00 for over a month)

My recommendation, as far as choosing an account goes, is to go to a credit union and get the most from your money. They pay the highest interests and have a tendency to be a lot more stable than a bank. If you do not have enough cash in hand to start a credit union account then go to your local bank and start one there. Their minimums have a tendency to be quite a bit lower. If you still cannot do that then do a checking account but treat it like a savings account and do not touch the money in there.

After you have reached an amount that will let you open a savings account at a credit union then transfer there as soon as possible since they payout the highest rates in most markets. After that start saving everything you can to make your goal. If you reach your goals early just keep saving. Even though you may not want to, it has the potential to save you finances in the future.

The Job!

Section A: The Application

Do you have a job already? Are you looking for a job? Do you even want a job? These are a few questions that you should already know the answers to or be thinking about. In this section I will help you learn how to acquire the job that will pay the bills. It will include a few what to dos’ and few do not’s on filling out an application, your appearance, and how you behave before and after the interview.

The application is the easiest part of getting a job. All you have to do is walk up to a perspective employer say hello and ask for 2 applications. As a bonus I recommend that when you approach a perspective employer, that you purchase their product first, so bring like 20-30 dollars with you if you can. It is important to show that you appreciate and support their business. When you do this try not to shorten the word application to app or job app, enunciate, and be respectful. First impressions do make a difference still. I do not recommend talking to much to the person who gave you the application because they are busy trying to work. As a perspective employee you should respect the work environment as it is. Most employers are accepting or only taking applications online. It is important to understand how to navigate and find where to apply on their individual websites as well as navigation of specific job search websites.

Website navigation is important. One thing that will make it easier is to understand that most websites have quick-links at the bottom. These links usually include on of the following:

1. Jobs

2. Careers

3. Employment

All of this links will bring you to their local job search page. Here you can find all the open positions they currently have listed. I would personally go by zip code to be able to apply to the nearest location. The benefit of the online application is it ensures that you fill it out entirely before submission and allows you to identify the information that the specific company has deemed mandatory (usually with a * next to the question). Online applications tend to also include step by step instructions and process guiding, which allows you to easily navigate and fill out the required information. As a side note, if you choose to use job search engines like LinkedIn, Monster, Career.com; you may wish to search by zip code and type of work. Retrieving listings for a CEO position when you currently do not have your degree or the necessary work history could prove troublesome. Also, if you do not wish to do manual labor and do not specify the work type this may also be the results you get making sifting through them more difficult. 

The necessities of an application are your name, phone number, and Social Security number (more commonly for jobs involving some sort of background check), Date of birth, Address, Availability, Work history, references and Signature. This is generally what most applications a composed of. The only area that you do not have to fill out is your work experience if you have none, however it is a good idea to put community service or something like that in that area if your can.

Before you start to fill out your gathered applications make sure you have all of your information at hand so that this doesn’t take a long time to do. Filling out an application should not be tedious unless you have 40 of them. As well as knowing who you want to be as your references (you will need no less than 3), you will also need to call them and ask them. When or if they say yes I am willing to do that ask them if they want to know who you are applying to work for so that they may be able to expect the phone call. When you call them act professional and do not take up a lot of their time on the phone. Family members are not included or encouraged to be used in the reference category.

After you have collected all of your personal information and who you will be using to refer you, sit down and separate the applications copies. There are two copies just in case you mess up. On your application you need to use blue or black ink. Do not use pencil or any other color. As well as make sure your handwriting is legible.

Start the application by filling in your personal information. If you do not have any of the personal information, do the research. All of the personal information is very necessary; this includes your social security number. As an employer in the past I have taken incomplete applications and filed them away in my do not hire folder if they did not complete the necessary sections of the application.

Generally the next section on an application is the work history. If you have never had a job before put in volunteer hours, community service projects, baby sitting jobs, summer jobs, or anything that shows you have some sort of experience working under someone else.

If you have had previous work experience, then enter that in to the requested areas. In the area where it asks for how long worked there or from what mo. yr. to what mo. yr. you do not need exact dates. Even if you are guessing fill it in so that they have some sort of idea how long you did the job (This does not mean increase the time in any given job purposefully). When you reach the space provide for in the reason for leaving, be honest. If you got fired say you got fired and what the reason really was. Do not put “will discuss at interview”. It is entirely ok to have that expectation of an interview, but if you do not conform to the criteria their questions on an application require they may not hire you.

In general on most applications there is a space provided for ethnicity questions along with sex, age, and whatnot. These questions legally do not have to be answered. However, if you are in the minority group it may help the application process as employers are continuously trying to diversify their employee base.. This is not saying that the most qualified person is not going to get the job because you are in the minority, it is saying that if you are equally qualified with another they may pick you in order to make their business environment more diversified.

Another area of the application will most likely be: Certifications. In this area you put any sort of certifications you may have achieved. Meaning if you have been certified to drive a forklift then write that in. This area is also for things such as proficiencies and mastery. Like if you have been able to become proficient with a ten key, your typing skills, mastering a computer program such as Microsoft Excel or Word. Make sure you list what you can do; they may have another job opening that will suit you better elsewhere.

When you fill out the job requested area; do not put in any or all jobs or something non specific. Describe the job you want. Employers generally like it when someone knows what they want and is willing to do what it takes to get there on top of seeing that they took the time to understand what the employer is looking for.

After you have completed the application (including your signature), turn it in ASAP. Today I can have an application filled out and turned back in within a half hour. What my normal process is that I will go and get say ten applications, fill them out, and turn them in the next day. Within two days I normally have a job.

Section B: The Interview

The interview process normally does not take that long. First the employer should call you asking if you are willing to do an interview. After that they will normally set a date for the interview. If they ask you when it is convenient for you do not tell them I don’t care or whenever is fine. Be specific. Tell them such and such day at such and such time. Always be respectful to a perspective employer, but as well be you.

Before you go to the interview review your copy of the application and become familiar with what you wrote down along with why you wrote what you did. They may want you to explain a few things on the application. Be prepared, most people who are in the hiring position have a few of these qualities: they do not like wasting their own time and neither do they want to waste your time. They are interviewing you because you have a need for a job and they think that you may be able to provide or learn to provide what they need done for them.

Now before you go to the interview, do you know how the employees dress in the business you are applying to? Did you notice the type of facial hair they wore? Those are important for you to know for the interview. If you did not notice I suggest you go back and patronize the business to find out.

After you have figured out what they wear, mimic them. Shave to standard and wear similar style of dress. Prospective employers do notice this sort of thing. If you don’t have exact get as close as you can as long as you are presentable, meaning: no holes in the pants or shirt, tie your shoes, take a shower before you go, make sure you have a pleasant but not overpowering scent. For example, Axe deodorant is generally too strong of a scent. The shower gel should be fine. If some areas still reek or smell afterwards use a little baby powder.

On to the interview. Do not be presumptuous. Let them make the calls and ask the questions until they open the floor for you. Money is important but should not be first on your agenda; the more important things should be work environment or culture, how the rules are organized, who your boss will be directly, what you need for the job to be successful. The reason why I said not to discuss money first is because generally that will leave a bad impression. It is great to ask about the pay and to ensure you will get the benefits you need. However, doing it straight away shows that you have zero interestin the job and are only there for the financial gain. The job may pay less than you need or want but, if you stick with it long enough then you will be making enough to afford everything you need. Employers generally give raises annually, with promotions, and with base pay increases across the board. 

Most of all; enjoy the interview, be yourself, and have fun. It will only be stressful if you make it stressful.

Section C: Starting the Job!

Before you go to your orientation for work there are a few things you should do. Below is the list and detailed information:

1.     Shower

2.     Shave (According to the job Standards, if known)

3.     Use Deodorant

4.     Choose your clothing (If they have not provided a Uniform already)

5.     Bring your two forms of I.D. (Birth Certificate, Social Security Card, School I.D., Native American Tribal I.D., Green Card, Passport, Drivers License, State ID Card, and the like.)

    For the first item, take a shower, is very important especially if you are dealing with a company involving customer service or directly working with co-workers. It makes for a more comfortable environment for everyone. If you are not clean employers have a tendency to not work you as much as they would like or to terminate your employment. Note: spraying yourself with Axe deodorant spray does not constitute a shower.

    It is important to shave everyday. It makes you more approachable and clean looking if you take care of your facial hair (men), arm pit hair (women), and leg hair (women) as necessary or required by the job. Most jobs do not have hair requirements for women unless those parts of the body are exposed.

    Using deodorant before you go to work is a very good idea. Even if you do not notice that your body perspires it does. Deodorant helps keep and sort of scent that is accumulated by perspiration to be almost non existent depending on how much you perspire or how scented your perspiration is.

    Just as if you were going to the interview, choose how you dress wisely. If you provide your own uniform or clothing then make sure it is appropriate. Pants should not be overly baggy, stained, ripped, torn, or bleached. Shirts need to be of appropriate size, a suitable color for the position you have, and should not be low cut or show the belly. They need to be able to be tucked in and look professional. Shoes should be of an appropriate color and not overly exotic, usually you may show some personality with the shoes but not always. Fast Food restaurants normally require you to purchase non-slip shoes. In most cases they use a company called Shoes for Crews (S.F.C.).

    Lastly, you need to make sure and bring your two forms of ID. If you do not then they legally cannot have you on their time clock. Though, that is ultimately their choice to make. But, being prepared will generally increase your respectability in your new employer’s eyes. Most employers will send you home if you do not have 2 forms of IDs. This will cause you to loose potential work hours in most cases.

Roommates

          Roommates can be a very good idea. In this section we will discuss the pros and cons to having a roommate. Let me first start by going over the pros of having a roommate.

          The first major pro is that all of the bills will be split between you and your roommate. For example, if your rent is $800.00 per month then you and your roommate will only have to pay $400.00 a piece. Or if the power bill is $150.00 a month, then you only have to pay $75.00 each. In other words it basically cuts the monthly bills in half, unless otherwise agreed upon. This does not include a personal cell phone bill, internet, or cable/satellite unless you both are using those items.

          Another pro to having a roommate is that if you need to go on vacation or if something happens to where you are going have to be gone for a while your things will normally be taken care of including pets if any. However, it may be fair to add a little extra money to the “pot” in order to help out the situation if necessary. That is fair because it adds extra responsibility to your roommate.

          The cons of having a roommate are as follows:

1.   You can potentially have a lot less personal space.

2.   It’s harder to have a boyfriend/girlfriend over without interruption.

3.   You have to deal with respecting the other person’s privacy.

4.   You have to get along with this person and well.

5.   Your privacy may be violated.

6.   Your things may be used by this other person if they run out of an item.

7.  You may have to be on their case about the expense of bills (for example, they may choose to leave lights on all of the time vs. making sure they are turned off to reduce the power bill).

8. If something happens to them you may need to be available to assist them, meaning your life plans may be put on hold.

9.   If they are immature then you may feel like you are dealing with a child.

Basically before you say yes to a roommate you need to make sure they are a good, if not awesome fit. They should have the similar moral values and have some similar interests. Such as if you do not drink to get drunk and they do, that can be problematic. As well as they need to be someone who can respect you and that you can respect in return. Without being able to respect each other it is very hard to get along.

Don’t put yourself in a situation you will later regret, not all friendships can last through a roommate situation. Interview perspective roommates, discuss habits, and most of all be honest about your habits because they will find out sooner or later. Lay down clear rules and guidelines from both sides.

Explain tolerances and intolerance's. Smoking is a big one, however if your landlord doesn’t allow it then it’s not as much of a concern unless they break the contract. Then you may enter into some issues. So make sure you can foresee any issues, understand someone before you room with them. No it is not an easy task but moving out or moving at all never is.

Diligence and patience are highly rewarded with good quality friendships and relationships.

Conclusion

To conclude all of this I would like to go over some values that may ultimately help you in life. The first word is honor. Honor is made up, in general, from three other values. The first being integrity, the second being respect, with the third being responsibility. These three values are in complete coexistence and you cannot truly have one without the other. Below we go into more detail.

We will start with the first of the three defining words of honor, Integrity. Integrity according to the U.S. Military is defined as: the total devotion to truthfulness and honesty. Whoa, back up, truthfulness and honesty, that’s a lot for one word to mean. Well, to begin, truthfulness means telling the truth all of the time and not only to others but to yourself. Honesty is very similar to truthful but at the same time is more formal. Honesty is all about being true to yourself and others yet more as well. Honesty is what gets you to go places not just telling the truth but always telling the truth. Honesty is what you do after you are truthful. You can be truthful about stealing the candy bar but honesty will make you go and pay for it even if the store owner did not notice.

Let’s move onto respect. Respect, what is it? Well it’s a behavior. It is how you act towards yourself and others. It is also a conscious decision. If you decide to respect someone then they are a lot more likely to respect you as a person. It also is not just that. Respecting someone isn’t always easy, sometimes respecting the person means doing something that they feel is wrong. It also means that sometimes you have to make the hard call and follow through on it. Respect as well means that if they ask you to do something then do it, if it isn’t against any laws or violating anyone else. If they need you to do the dishes for one extra night one week, for example, then just do them. Don’t try to make it an ace in your pocket either. Just make it happen and they will more likely do the favor in return for the next time you need it. If you pull it out as an ace then that looks to them like you are monitoring then and not trusting them with important things.

Responsibility, what a big word! To be responsible means to own up to your own actions (accountability), but it isn’t just that. It as well means to tell someone when you are wrong, follow through on your commitments (work and personal), and to always come forward about things you have done right or wrong if asked or not. You have to recognize when you are responsible for something. Let’s say you are my employee, and something is amiss in the, say, fast food store. Me personally I see it as everyone’s responsibility to make the store work and run smoothly. So if something is wrong then it is everyone’s responsibility to fix it unless they do not know or understand how. Now in that case it would be their responsibility to learn how to correct the issue if they did not know how to. responsibility also entails knowing when to say no. Continuously adding more and more to your plate will eventually cause a catastrophic failure and for there to be zero success in your world. 

So, after all of that, how do these flow together? Well, they are in sync with each other. You cannot have integrity without having respect. How? In order to have true integrity one must truly respect everyone, meaning that you need to respect them enough to tell them the truth in a loving and caring manner. If you don’t tell them the truth in a caring manner, what then is to say that you respect them as a person. I know that with my friends I try my hardest to correct them if and only when necessary and with love from my heart not with intention to degrade or torque them off. If you cannot correct with kindness then it may not be a good idea to correct anyone at all.

Now let us link integrity with responsibility. If you say you are going to do something then it is important to do it because if you do not then you have lied to that person, thus breaking your integrity to that person. If you break your word you break your integrity. However it does go both ways. If you follow through on your responsibilities and yet steal, that is a hole in you integrity as well.

Regarding the comparison of respect to responsibility. Let say you tell someone you don’t respect that you will do something for them and you follow through on that task. However, the clause is that you will not have given your full heart to it because you do not respect them, thus taking away the true results. Or vice versa if you tell someone you respect that you will do something for them and do not show up then you have shown them that you do not respect them enough to help them when they need it most.

How is that for a vicious cycle? If you do not fulfill one you fail in the others. But do not loose heart. There is understanding, at least from me that everyone is always learning something new. That’s why people have grace. Grace is what allows a relationship to continue and thrive even through circumstances that are not pleasant. So honestly who has true honor? No one I know can claim true honor. It is a continuing process that we learn over time and get better at. No one can truly ultimately master it, however as long as we strive for it we can be sure that we will always survive and grow in this world.

Now that we have covered this, I hope that you can understand that it is important to make educated decisions about life. I cannot stress enough how important it is to your family, friends, and yourself to do this the right way. I am not saying that my way is ultimately correct because with every person it is different. We are all unique with different personalities and quirks for a reason. With that, it is important to do this in a way that completes you and yet is respectful to those around or involved in your life. Our characters are very different and are important to understand and accommodate.

I want to thank you for taking the time to read this as it applies to all young adults. Hopefully it has given you some insight on what the road to come has in store for you and if not I hope it has given or helped you understand in a new light what it takes to live and move out on your own.