Life Sucks!
greetings,
So my life just sucks right now. A week ago last Tuesday N decided to end the relationship. I'm hurting a lot and really on the list side of things. It may have been just 4 months but we had a good thing going. It wasn't purfect and it didn't need to be. There is no antimosity between us, but it does hurt still. It doesn't seem right at all. I'm not really at liberty to say the reasons why on such a public forum out of respect for N. I just want him back and I'm willing to do what needs to be done. I feel as if a part of me is gone. I have never cared about someone in my life as much as I cared about him in that capacity. I know he is hurting too which is the hardest part. I can't and he won't let me be there to make it better. It is going to take a long time for me to even think of another man.
Why is it when you care so much it ends up leaving? Unlike previouse men, this one feels soooooo wrong. So very wrong. The rest well they didn't keep up their side of us. N has through the whole thing. I feel I'm at fault somewhere but he won't tell me. I'm trying to respect him by letting go but it's not working at all. I'm constantly reminded of him. Little things too but big to me. I could go on for hours about the pain of loosing him and cry for days. But let's not right now, let me just update on the rest of life.
On Saturday I was hit by a "drunk" driver. My car is now in the body shop and will be there for a long time. It sucks. Things happen in threes so I wonder if the house becoming foreclosed on is the third making me move once again? I don't know. I don't know much anymore.
What I do know is I'm tired of being alone, tired of doing everything by myself especially when I see people who are enjoying life. Why am I being constantly pushed so hard and have a ton to deal with?
Do I need to start living life just for me? Being a selfish prick? I hope not, that's not who I am.
Till next time
CSC
So my life just sucks right now. A week ago last Tuesday N decided to end the relationship. I'm hurting a lot and really on the list side of things. It may have been just 4 months but we had a good thing going. It wasn't purfect and it didn't need to be. There is no antimosity between us, but it does hurt still. It doesn't seem right at all. I'm not really at liberty to say the reasons why on such a public forum out of respect for N. I just want him back and I'm willing to do what needs to be done. I feel as if a part of me is gone. I have never cared about someone in my life as much as I cared about him in that capacity. I know he is hurting too which is the hardest part. I can't and he won't let me be there to make it better. It is going to take a long time for me to even think of another man.
Why is it when you care so much it ends up leaving? Unlike previouse men, this one feels soooooo wrong. So very wrong. The rest well they didn't keep up their side of us. N has through the whole thing. I feel I'm at fault somewhere but he won't tell me. I'm trying to respect him by letting go but it's not working at all. I'm constantly reminded of him. Little things too but big to me. I could go on for hours about the pain of loosing him and cry for days. But let's not right now, let me just update on the rest of life.
On Saturday I was hit by a "drunk" driver. My car is now in the body shop and will be there for a long time. It sucks. Things happen in threes so I wonder if the house becoming foreclosed on is the third making me move once again? I don't know. I don't know much anymore.
What I do know is I'm tired of being alone, tired of doing everything by myself especially when I see people who are enjoying life. Why am I being constantly pushed so hard and have a ton to deal with?
Do I need to start living life just for me? Being a selfish prick? I hope not, that's not who I am.
Till next time
CSC
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